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Our Fears of Abandonment Are The Seeds of Our Illnesses & Diseases
Over the past 16 years I have developed and practiced a theory that melds the science of Numerology with the concept of reincarnation. I call it Cosmic Numerology.
Cosmic Numerology can identify the underlying patterns of negative behavior that are the catalysts for illness and disease. These negative patterns are the result of false cellular memories of feeling abandoned or being punished for some unknown act. How and where did these memories originate? They began when we chose to become creators. They will end when we remember we have always been creators.
The following five-part article is a general description of my belief that our behavioral patterns determine the probability of our contracting an illness or disease.
1. A definition of GOD energy
2. Feelings of abandonment
3. Positive and negative energy particles
4. Manifestation of a illness or disease
5. Soulutions
I believe that the Soul consciously selects what it wants to experience by choosing, or omitting, specific letters and numbers from its name and birth data. These choices are blended together to form the adventures of our lives and are only made after a “conversation” with the GOD energies.
Once the numerical sequence of someone’s name and birth data are plotted and the Soul chosen challenges and soulutions overlaid, a picture of life long behavior patterns emerges. These patterns can be the triggers for illnesses, diseases, or the activators of genetic anomalies.
The numbers and letters of our names represent each Soul’s choice of the events to be experienced in its upcoming incarnation. These ‘choices’ include challenges as gentle as a caress (loss of recess) or as harsh as a 40 ton steel I-beam between the eyes (terminal illness). For each challenge, there is a specific Soul chosen soulution. The soulution is usually to ‘do less of one thing and more of another’ or vice versa. For example, one can be either totally insensitive to the needs of others or be overly sensitive to the needs of others; in either case, there is a need for balance. It is the same with our etheric and physical Selves, they need to be balanced. And when they aren’t, we become susceptible to illness and disease.
Part I.
GOD stands for Gathering Of Deities. The numbers 1 – 9 represent these deities. Everything in creation can be reduced to a number between 1 and 9. The zero (0) is the combination of the 9 separate energies. Some might refer to these 9 energies as The Council of 9 or The 9 Lords of the Universe. They compose “GOD’s personality.”
The GOD energies are responsible for creation. Another term might be the energies of The All That Is. Whatever we call it, its core energy needs to be stepped down to be useful. The analogy would be a lightning bolt. In its pure state, the electricity locked within the lightning can kill us. However, when we harness this power through transformers that can lower its charge, it becomes useable. It can heat our homes, run our factories, cook our food, or light our cities. The same must be done with the GOD energy. In its pure form it will kill us; even the Bible says we are never to look directly upon the face of GOD upon penalty of death. Therefore, GOD’s energy also needs to be modified so that creation can take place. This is how I see that energy transformed.
GOD energy
Transition
Phase
Energy of Creation
We all start as a part of The All That Is. We then choose to be part of the creative process by “physically extending” our Soul energy from source through a transition phase. Prior to entering the transition, we create a blueprint of what we intend to experience when we reach our destination. This blueprint is composed of the letters of our name and the numbers of our birthday. We create this blueprint beforehand because we know that once we start the transition phase, we will loose the memory of whom we truly are and what we volunteered to create. It is this temporary “loss of memory” that is the seed of our feelings of abandonment or isolation. As we pass through the transition tube we think to ourselves, “What is going on? Where is everybody? Why am I alone? Did I do something wrong? Am I being punished? Why is it dark? We feel we’ve been abandoned or “kicked out” with no explanation.
Part II.
Before we can remember that we chose to physically extend and are not separated from the All That Is, we enter the process of being birthed as a human being. Again we don’t remember this was our choice; we only feel the pain of our connection being severed. Again we ask ourselves: “What is going on? Why am I alone? Did I do something wrong? Why am I being forced out?” These questions are not answered and we become anxious even fearful thinking that we are alone and abandoned. We think, “This has happened twice. How many more times will I have to experience this pain!?” Our fear of abandonment begins to influence our choices. We decide, through the Ego (Easing God Out), to adopt a behavior pattern of Self-protection.
This fear of abandonment leads to four archetypical behavior patterns in humans. At one extreme is codependency at the other extreme is the need for total control of one’s environment.
Codependency can be divided into two sub-categories, Clingers and Doers. Clingers rationalize, “anything is better than being alone” and regardless of how they are treated, find it almost impossible to leave a relationship. Doers make themselves indispensable. Their rationale is, “I’ll do so much for them, they won’t be able to make-do without me.”
Behavior patterns involving control can also be divided into two subgroups. The first group consists of individuals that choose not to become emotionally involved or attached to anything. In essence they hide or deny their emotions and feelings. They reason that if they don’t connect to something, they can’t be disconnected from it. The most extreme example is the sociopath personality. The second sub-group decides that their safest route is to do for others, but not let anyone ‘do’ for them or ‘to’ them. For example, they will hold the handle of the water fountain so that others may drink in ease, but will not let anyone hold the handle for them for fear that the holder will let go. They feel that “others” cannot be depended upon.
Most of us fit somewhere along the spectrum between these extremes; we have some codependency issues and some control issues. Our goal is to recognize our issues through our life challenges. Once we recognize our patterns, we can alter them.
Part III.
Our universe is composed of energy. This energy has both a positive and negative charge to it. According to science, negative particles of energy are larger than positive particles of energy. So, visualize positive energy as a smooth, round BB and negative energy as being somewhat larger with an irregular shape and jagged edges. Even though these particles are different in size and shape, they flow harmoniously through the universe and our body’s systems (e.g., nervous, circulatory, digestive, muscular, etc.). They are the energies of creation.
The proportion of negative to positive energy in our etheric and physical bodies increases in direct proportion to the intensity of our abandonment issues. As the proportion of negative particles increases so does the probability of our contracting an illness or disease. The illnesses and diseases we are most prone to manifest are those that match the numbers of our various life challenges.
Part IV.
(Illness and disease can result from karmic choices or by the failure to honor our Soul’s plan for this lifetime. I’m only going to focus on failure to honor the Soul’s choices.)
The manifestation of illness and disease begins the moment we choose the path of self protection based on fears of abandonment. This applies to those that consciously distance themselves from all relationships as well as those that choose codependent relationships.
Let’s go back to positive/negative particles of energy. Every time we do something to be recognized, appreciated, or loved by others, we are acting out of fear; the fear that we are not good enough and will therefore be abandoned. This behavior pattern causes additional particles of negative energy to enter our system increasing the probability of collisions. Once they collide, they stick to one another creating an even larger target. As this mass of negative particles expands it form a wedge or a constriction that dams up the energy. Positive particles cannot pass through and if they can, it’s only as a trickle. When we recognize this happening in our bodies we identify the blockage as an inflammation.
The following terms have been ranked in the order of their numeric sums. I’ve chosen this ranking to demonstrate the relationship between letters and numbers and their correlation with the developmental stages of an illness or disease.
· Inflammation = 55/1
An inflammation is the initial (1) visual manifestation of excess negative energy; the point from which negative energy expands. Initiated by “I n flame,” an internalization of anger or frustration (by the Ego) that inhibits forward movement.
· Pain = 22/4
Our physical body, our foundation (4), seeks our attention. Pain is calling us to look at our foundation issues. Its appearance can be caused by an imbalance in energies relating to sensitivity (e.g., emotions, relationships, anxieties).
· Acute = 14/5
A spike of excess negative energy, causing a physical response within the body. Constricting (4) the flow of energy due to low self-esteem (1) for example, situations that involve mucus (14/5) generated by a “head cold”.
· Infection = 50/5
The movement of negative energy into adjoining areas. An infection calls our attention to what we’ve been inattentive to. It calls for attentiveness and being present (5) in the moment. It also calls for self-confidence and being able to “let go.”
· Chronic = 43/7
Control issues, combined with pessimism, make it difficult for the mind/body to heal itself. (Control issues are associated with the universal core issue of abandonment.) Pessimism (3) and procrastination or stubbornness (4) can lead to a long-term depressive state (7).
· Disease = 26/8
The manifestation of negative energy in a physical form involving sensitivity /communication (2), responsibility (6), and personal power (8); also tied in with Karmic (28/1) Lessons (22/4).
· Virus = 26/8
Deals with issues of group sensitivity and responsibility and individual consequences. A virus, electronic or organic, always affects groups.
· Karma = 17/8
Fears of abandonment and/or loss of control may prevent an individual from finishing what they started. Karma is unfinished business. The numbers represent: Self-tests (1); learning about trust, vulnerability, patience, (7); issues involving the use and abuse of personal power (8).
· Illness = 27/9
An illness is the emotional manifestation of negative energy. The stuffing or internalizing of emotions becomes the catalyst for the physical manifestation of a disease. The numbers represent: self-expression and communicating feelings (2); learning about trust, vulnerability, patience, and letting go of a “need to be needed” (7). A 9 here indicates a tendency to internalize not only personal emotions but also those of others. The negative 9 can also represent a very strong need to be thanked, recognized, appreciated or loved.
Following are some examples of the relationship between life challenges and diseases. (The numbers in parentheses represent the numerical equivalent of the letter values of the disease being discussed.)
¨ Alzheimer’s Disease = 79/16/7
The numeric pattern of 79/16/7 shows that this disease is a result of unresolved issues involving the need to be in control (7), internalizing emotions (9), being overly protective of others (79), having a lack of self-esteem (1), and a concern about making mistakes or being misunderstood (7). I believe that individuals that “contract” this illness have tried to mentally or physically control their environment due to very strong feelings about abandonment. They have tried throughout their entire lives to put ‘square pegs’ into round holes (16). They may see themselves as martyrs (the cause only known to them). They offer advice when it hasn’t been asked for then become frustrated, disappointed, angry, inflexible or unforgiving when their advice (26/8) or assistance is ignored. Their anxiety (35/8) about not being able to make everything perfect for everyone all of the time (16), places a strain on their nervous system (53/8). They may have a messianic sense of responsibility (16/7) i.e., a need to save or protect everyone and a belief that if they don’t their inadequacies will be pointed out by others (7). There is also a tendency to internalize their emotions and not “release” them (9), placing additional strain on their nervous system.
Number 7 lessons are about Trust, Skepticism, and Control
A positive 7 is: trusting, spiritual, analytical, psychic, introspective, empathetic, objective, open and vulnerable, a seeker of knowledge.
A negative 7 can be: willful, controlling, faithless, fearful, impatient, have a need to be needed, emotionally closed, paralysis (mental or physical) as a result of being overly analytical, emotionally disconnected, a zealot, a martyr
The ultimate consequence of this disease is an involuntary loss of mental and physical control leading to total dependency on others; the opposite their lifelong behavior pattern – vulnerability vs self control.
¨ Breast (20/2) Cancer (26/8) = 46/1
An over sensitivity (2) to the needs of others (6) causing a suppression of Self (1). What is interesting is that it occurs more often in women than men and is located near the heart Chakra.
Cancer is an 8 and deals with self-empowerment issues. The deeper we bury something whether it’s a dream, an emotion, or a feeling, the more it wants to surface. Cancer is repressed feelings and emotions looking for a release point.
¨ Cerebral (37/1) Palsy (19/1) = 56/11/2
Affects both lobes of the brain. The palsy is an imbalance in the electrical field between positive & negative charged particles (19) causing a fluctuation in the flow that accentuates opposite extremes. All of this is a result of the 11. Being the first master number, it enables one to “see” the way it could be, however frustration resulting from the realization that they can not “make it” that way leads to an imbalance (2) between the soul (3) and the physical self (9).
¨ Chronic (43/7) Fatigue (33/6) (Too focused, body tired) = 77/14/5
Lack of Self-acceptance (3) and procrastination or stubbornness (4) can lead to an exhausted state (7) and over committing to the point of martyrdom (33/6) they have depleted their sense of self. The 7 indicates aspects of needing to be in control due to a fear/anxiety about abandonment and vulnerability.
The 14 is a karmic number indicating a pattern of excess; either extreme flexibility or extreme rigidity in dealing with life. (Because of the 77, I feel the pattern would lean more toward rigidity.) The single digit 5 represents a need to bring balance and moderation back into the life; to learn to be in the flow, to release your grip on uncertainty . . . it is exhausting.
¨ Colitis = 33/6
Perfectionist tendencies and high expectations for self or others (6) along with an inclination toward martyrdom disturbs the digestive system. Also present is an imbalance in the area of the third chakra. (Abandoned transposes to a 33.)
¨ Alcoholic = 42/6
An alcoholic has sensitivity and communication issues (2), abandonment (40/4) and control issues (4), unrealistic expectations for Self and others can bring frustration and a touch of martyrdom (6)
Alcoholism = 44/8 – an inability to stand up for self-beliefs (44) leads to internalized and/or externalized anger (8). There is also the element of procrastination (4) and fears of abandonment.
¨ Cold = 16/7
A karmic number indicating a messianic behavior pattern (i.e., feeling personally responsible for making certain that there are no mistakes so your image remains intact and unchallenged.) This can also represent a time when responsibility can seem overwhelming (6) causing self-esteem issues to arise (1). This can lead to “forcing an issue” (16).
A cold is the energy that reminds us to let go. It brings about a state of being incapacitated or paralyzed in some way physical, mental, emotional. It provides time to investigate the lesson to be learned.
¨ Acquired (42/6) Immune (30/3) Deficiency (56/2) Syndrome (41/5) = 169/16/7
Individuals (1) not being responsible for their actions (6) because they want love in their life (9) . . . underlying cause of the behavior patterns is the abandonment issue. The 16 being a karmic number indicates the probability of catastrophic events resulting from personal actions that run counter to what you “feel” is the right thing to do.
Part V.
How do we alter our negative patterns? We begin by learning to honor our Self. It’s obvious that this is easier said than done. Why is it so hard to honor your Self? Because to do so usually calls down the wrath of those we’ve always put first. When we first try to honor our true Self, others may call us selfish, stubborn, or uncaring. We may hear phrases like: “Don’t be so selfish.” “You’ve changed, you’re not the person I used to know.” “You never do what I want.” “You don’t care.” “If you loved me you would . . . .” These are all “hooks” to snag us and draw us back into manipulative relationships. These are people we wrote into our life script to test our resolve and to teach us to honor what we feel and know in our hearts to be true. Sometimes this requires us to leave relationships, partnerships, even friendships. Passing these “built-in” tests will allow us to start doing what we love instead of “doing” to be loved.
In my book Know Your Numbers, Know Your Self, I talk about the importance of the Achievement Number. This number is derived from the month and day of birth and identifies everyone’s core issue. It is the hub of our numerological wheel; all of the other numbers in our chart radiate from it like spokes on a wheel. It determines our negative behavior tendencies in relation to our prime numbers as well as providing the soulution to those negative behaviors. It is the key number for determining right action and overcoming our abandonment issue.
Until you become aware of and resolve the issues associated with your Achievement Number, its negative aspects rule your life. If for example your Achievement Number is a 3, you must learn to finish what you start by overcoming feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and inferiority. Whether it’s flipping pancakes or performing brain surgery, if you feel/know in your heart that you are the best at what you do, and love doing it, then the feelings of inadequacy and insecurity dissolve and never return.
Every challenge has a soulution. What’s most interesting about the soulution to the Achievement Number is that regardless of which of the nine Achievement numbers you have chosen for your Self, the soulution for every Achievement challenge is 9. The soulution is to always act and think for the highest good of all by doing what you love and what gives you the greatest joy. The soulution of 9 also indicates that we must overcome the fears associated with that aspect of our Self we call Ego. To do this, the Ego needs to communicate with its higher Self (Soul) thereby overcoming the fear that it is alone, unloved, and abandoned and that its existence on Earth is a punishment for some unknown action it can’t remember. None of this is true. Our Soul never forgets its connection with the GOD energy.
The prescription for healing your Self is,
“Love what you do, don’t do to be loved.”
* This article is a summary of some of the ideas that will appear in my second book.
The preceding is offered in it's entirety with the permission of the author
Copyright Michael Brill awakener.com